You've heard that no one buys records anymore, but this guy right here is paying attention to the bands and the biz that are still going for it. A side note: I managed to hear exactly two of these songs exactly once apiece this year. Not bragging (though not minding), just saying.

Further side note: Just checking in. Hope your holidays are happy. Regular bloggery will return on January 2, 2008.

Speaking of dirty, Stereogum has remixes of classic Michael Jackson songs "Beat It" (feat. Fergie) and "Billie Jean" (feat. Kanye West).

Man, those are some good songs.

Janet Jackson. Check. Prince. Check. Bel Biv Devoe??? Entertainment Weekly presents a pretty good list of 25 dirty songs one secretly (or not so secretly) loves. Gett Off.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mister Lukas Haas!

Most musicians, even excellent ones, aren't such great prose stylists. Here is an exception: Steely Dan's Donald Fagen writing about the late Ike Turner for Slate Magazine. Of all the flurry of Ike retrospectives that came out when he died, this is the most thoughtful, respectful, non-reverent, and, I think, meaningful.

After Tina finally left in '76, Ike, already way shredded from the whole Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll thing, totally came apart. Years of continued heavy drug use and run-ins with the law ensued, culminating in his serving 17 months in a California state prison. He was still in jail when he got the news that he and Tina had been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Finally, just when things were starting to look up, Tina's book came out, followed by the film What's Love Got To Do With It.

Q: What do Jessica Simpson, Katharine McPhee, Modest Mouse, the Mountain Goats, that one guy from Blink 182 who has a new band, Alanis Morrissette, the Drive-By Truckers, Ozzy Osbourne, the National, and a whole bunch of other random musician (and "musician") types have in common? A: They're all on Billboard's Artist Picks page for the Year in Music issue.

Spoiler alert: zzzzzzz.

You know how everywhere you go they're playing Christmas music as if anyone liked it? Well, now multiple-award nominee and country starlet du jour (and longtime MSN Music fave) Taylor Swift has a Christmas song of her own and you can hear it right cheer.

Can a greatest hits package be far off?

From cmt.com:

Tim McGraw and Dwight Yoakam have accepted roles in the romantic comedy Four Christmases, which will be released during the 2008 holiday season. The cast also includes Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek and Reese Witherspoon. All three actors have won Oscars for portraying country singers. Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn, who co-starred in the 1996 film, Swingers, are also in the cast, along with Kristin Chenoweth. Seth Gordon will direct for New Line Cinema and Spyglass Entertainment.

Yeah. Click here. Sorry. It's another TMZ link. But still: it just never stops being shocking.

...Unless, of course, your name is The Killers, who are currently being sued for $3 million in unpaid commissions by their former manager, a certain Mr. Brightside.

You know how people still go out to public events and talk on their cell phones the way they would if they were at home, or somewhere, you know, not where people are singing music? Well, rude people there's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Tori Amos. Not (entirely) safe for work. Headphones.

The following article, posted online here, is hereby submitted without comment, except to say that the news that Daughtry is the biggest album of the year (as opposed to the news that the biggest album of the year sold only 3.2 million copies) is disappointing in some important way:

NEW YORK — He may not have won "American Idol," but Chris Daughtry is the king of the album charts this year, according to Billboard. The "Idol" finalist's band, Daughtry, sold 3.2 million copies of their self-titled debut, making it the most popular album of the year, according to the trade magazine.

The group was followed by Akon, whose "Konvicted" sold 2.7 million; Fergie's "The Dutchess," which sold 2.4 million; the "Hannah Montana" soundtrack with 2.5 million copies sold; and 2005's "American Idol" champ Carrie Underwood, whose "Some Hearts" sold 2.3 million copies.

Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" was the No. 1 single of the year, followed by Rihanna's "Umbrella." Both have been nominated for a Grammy for record of the year. Rounding out the top five was Gwen Stefani at No. 3 with "The Sweet Escape," Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" at No. 4, and T-Pain's "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" at No. 5.

The Police's reunion tour was named the top tour of the year, grossing at least $212 million.

America, what is your major problem?

I don't usually pay much attention to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a variety of reasons, but now that they're inducting people I grew up listening to, I am, well, psyched, for reasons that have little to do with variety. This year's inductees were announced today. Not too excited about Madonna (though she obviously deserves it), or John Cougar Concentra-- er, Mellencamp (though he's better than I always remember), or the Dave Clark Five (though they're awesome), or The Ventures, but holy cats! LEONARD COHEN!!! Best songwriter ever. Best singer ever (really). Best Canadian. Best everything. His first four records alone are sheer perfection. Hooray for any recognition bestowed on this lion of the arts.

Michael Jackson is planning a three-month tour.

AND

Black activists are planning to picket R. Kelly's Los Angeles tour stop tomorrow on the grounds that he is under investigation for 14 counts of child pornography.

No punchline for that one.

Ladies and gentlemen, fresh (debatable) from his turn as Jim Morrison in Oliver Stone's unbelievably ludicrous The Doors, it's MR. VAL KILMER!

Grammy-nominated New Zealander comedy-folk duo band Flight of the Conchords have announced a full-length album to be produced by Mickey Petralia (Beck) and released by Seattle indie Sub Pop Records (Nirvana, Shins, Postal Service) on or about April 22, 2008. More details here.

Before he became infamous for abusing both his wife Tina and hard drugs, Ike Turner had a pretty serious claim to lay for inventing rock'n'roll. Nothing excuses anything, obviously, but Rolling Stone has a fittingly respectful retrospective of this controversial pioneer (including songs "Rocket 88" and "River Deep, Mountain High"), who died today at age 76.

Siiiigh. Funk legend Sly Stone played his first show in at least two decades in New York on Friday night. It lasted about 20 minutes.

No jokes. I was really rooting for him.

The saga of Amy Winehouse as public drug casualty has reached such a pitch that her mother has written an "open letter" to the singer in a UK tabloid.

You read lines like "We want to help you, but we know that unless you want to be helped - unless you come to us - anything we tried would be in vain. So this letter is my way of making sure that you know that - that all you have to do is come to us, Amy, and we'll do everything in our power to get you well again." and it's hard not to feel sympathy, or at least pity. But then you consider that the mother was almost certainly paid for her writing, or at least for lending her name to the article, and then lines like ""We were terrified after we saw those pictures of you earlier this week, wandering the freezing streets of London at dawn in your underwear. All I wanted to do was rush into those pictures and wrap you up in a big, warm blanket. Do you remember those Decembers long ago when I used to swaddle you in a thick winter coat? I used to wrap you up and give you a kiss on the nose before you went out to play in the cold" seem a little less heartwarming.

Then again, it's such a sad spectacle that it's hard to know what the hell to think.

Billy Joel has released "Christmas in Fallujah," an anti-war song, just in time for holiday sales (proceeds from which will be donated to Homes For Our Troops, lest anyone be accused of anything). But Joel doesn't sing on the track. That honor goes to 21-year-old Cass Dillon of Joel's native Long Island.

"I thought it should be somebody young, about a soldier's age," Joel said in a statement on his Web site. "I wanted to help somebody else's career. I've had plenty of hits. I've had plenty of airplay. I've had my time in the sun. I think it's time for somebody else, maybe, to benefit from my own experience."

Dillon said he was thrilled to be asked.

"When someone of that stature, with that history of great songs behind him with such a huge catalog asks you to sing something he's written, there's nothing you can do but be completely honored to perform," Dillon said in a statement.

Good thing he wasn't asked to sing "We Didn't Start the Fire."