Not our words, but Bono's! To wit:

At moments like this, you realise that even Bono's famously thick skin has its vulnerable spots. Even as U2 are keenly aware of the contradictions of their position ("To open yourself up to the possibility of change doesn't mean you have to live up to some impossible ideal," says the Edge), they can't help but be caught up in them sometimes, for one man's contradiction is another's hypocrisy. So Bono squares his shoulders and tries at least to be candid. When I ask why his songs refuse to name specific targets, he says: "The villain is usually me. The hypocrisy of the human heart is the number one target. Rarely do we point the finger at anyone other than ourselves."

He knows why some people don't like him. "I can be annoying," he says with a grin. "I have a kind of annoying gene." But he seems understandably tired of the allegation that he's just a messianic blowhard. It's a cliche, he thinks, to attribute what he does to mere ego. "As Delmore Schwartz said, 'Ego is always at the wheel.' It's just with rock stars, it's more obvious. The need to be loved and admired doesn't come from a particularly pretty place. But people tend to do a lot of great things with it. Ego, yes, but the ego that's in everything human beings are capable of. Without ego, things would be so dull."

You may have lost interest in the world's most magnanimous rock band, but this piece from the Guardian UK Blog is better than most, despite the fact that it basically toes the same line as every other U2 story written in the last 10 years. Still, better to read it than to have to listen to their new record, no?

 

Just when you thought you couldn't see another blog post that contained the bolded words Michael Jackson... well don't worry. This one is really about Jarvis Cocker, former frontman of late, lamented British pop band Pulp, who once, many years ago, made a name for himself by jumping up on an awards show stage to disrupt a performance in which Jackson was posing as a messiah with the power to heal the world's children (see above). ANYWAY, Cocker was on Jimmy Fallon's misbegotten TV show the other night, where he performed a song from his solo album, Further Complications, which, I regret to announce, isn't that awesome, especially when compared to his first solo album, Jarvis, which was awesome, or any of the last three Pulp records, which were super awesome. ANYWAY, Cocker's performance was fine, but someone on the stage was not on his side. ?Questlove, drummer of the Roots, who are inexplicably still Fallon's house band, still remembers, and isn't afraid to tweet about it:

hmmm. fighting the urge to get jarvis cocker for that MJ incident some years back. dude looks THROWED.

"Throwed" is a great term, I think we can all agree. I'm pretty sure I know what it means. It means don't grow a beard.

Via Stereogum.

I hope you're sitting down. Kid Rock does not have a Twitter account. Nor does he think Twitter is funny or fun or admirable. In fact, he thinks—according to the NY Post's esteemed page 6—that Twitter is "gay." Try not to be shocked that Kid Rock also thinks that "gay" is an insult. But that is why they call it news.

COUNT Kid Rock out as a fan of Twitter. "It's gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I'm going to tell them, 'Twitter this [bleep], mother[bleep]er,' " the shaggy-haired rocker tells Rolling Stone. "I don't have anything to say, and what I have to say is not that relevant. Anything that is relevant, I'm going to bottle it up and then squeeze it onto a record somewhere."

Bottling it up and squeezing it out. I just got a mother[bleep]ing idea for a tweet!

The announcement that Chris Martin of Coldplay would soon be making like Michael Jackson, Paul McCartney, Sonic Youth, Green Day, Phish, and countless other rockers and showing up on The Simpsons, the question could no longer be avoided: Who's jumping which shark? The Simpsons is a miracle of modern entertainment—a perennial that remains relevant. Despite the occasional weak season or two here or there (how long has it been on? Better to ask, can anyone remember a time when it wasn't?), the Springfield mafia has managed to be funny, subversive, and best of all, startling, for the better part of two decades. But Coldplay??? Didn't the show already cash in this chip when Smashing Pumpkins played Homerpalooza? Martin was funny enough when he played an ego-saturated version of himself on Ricky Gervais's Extras. But this is The Simpsons! Oh well, you can't stop rock and roll, no matter how soft it gets.

From Rollingstone.com

Over the past 20 seasons, The Simpsons has recruited the biggest names in music to guest-voice on the show, and Season 21 will continue the tradition: EW’s Hollywood Insider reports Coldplay’s Chris Martin will lend his voice to an upcoming episode. Martin and Coldplay will appear as themselves as Homer Simpson, after winning the lottery, hires the band to play a private performance for himself and Bart. “When Bart goes to the bathroom, Coldplay has to stop,” Simpsons executive producer Al Jean told EW.

One of The Simpsons‘ first musical guests was Michael Jackson, who guested — under the alias of John Jay Smith — as a mental patient named Leon Kompowsky whose convinced he is Michael Jackson. Jackson also had a hand in penning two songs that featured on The Simpsons, “Do the Bartman” and “Happy Birthday, Lisa.” (On the Sunday following Jackson’s death, The Simpsons reaired the “Bartman” video, and followed that with Jackson’s Kompowsky episode the following week.)

Green Day played a large role in The Simpsons Movie, performing the show’s iconic theme song and ultimately getting killed after playing a concert that kick-started the film’s garbage-fueled plot line. The show has also featured appearances by three Beatles: Ringo Starr, George Harrison (in the Homer’s Barbershop Quartet episode) and Paul McCartney, who along with his wife Linda taught Lisa about the wonders of being a vegetarian.

Episodes have also featured U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Who, R.E.M., Phish, Sting, the Ramones, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Blink-182, David Byrne, the White Stripes, Aerosmith as endorsers of “Flaming Moe’s” and Johnny Cash as a Guatemalan Insanity Pepper-induced coyote that talks to a hallucinating Homer. But perhaps the most memorable music-related episode of The Simpsons was “Homerpalooza,” which featured appearance by Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth, Cypress Hill and Peter Frampton.

The music industry's obsession with the idea that Twitter is somehow going to arrest its inevitable decline has generated some pretty farfetched notions. A pretty good one arrived in music writers' inboxes today, on behalf of a band called A Fine Frenzy. The press release announces that AFF has ascended to the heights of one million followers on Twitter. They used to send out notices about having sold a million records or singles or played in front of a million people. Now they brag about when people read their text messages. A fine frenzy, indeed!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

A FINE FRENZY CELEBRATES MILLION-FOLLOWER

TWITTER MILESTONE WITH FREE DOWNLOAD

SECOND VIRGIN RECORDS ALBUM,

'BOMB IN A BIRDCAGE,'

TO BE RELEASED SEPTEMBER, 2009

(July 23, 2009, New York, NY) - Joining a select club of music notables, Virgin Records' A FINE FRENZY marks a milestone in its close online relationship to its fans, as the band surpasses 1 million-plus Twitter followers. To celebrate the moment and to thank and acknowledge all of A FINE FRENZY's fans, the band is tweeting a free MP3, an acoustic version of the lead-off single, "Blow Away" that was recorded during a recent visit to Cincinnati radio station Q102. The album version was released digitally on July 14 and has been added to dozens of Hot AC and AAA radio station playlists already, while the band's second album BOMB IN A BIRDCAGE is scheduled for digital and physical release on September 8, 2009.

AFF frontwoman, singer-songwriter Alison Sudol (@AFineFrenzy), tweeting long before Twitter became a social magnet and a cultural marker, had already been among the top 10 most-followed musicians on the service for months, rubbing shoulders with top-line music celebrities Mariah Carey and Britney Spears; the inveterate blogger and online wit John Mayer; hip-hoppers P. Diddy, 50 Cent, and Soulja Boy; actor/singer Ashley Tisdale; Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz and Coldplay.

The breezy, propulsive album version of "Blow Away" shares the tuneful charm and whimsical language of AFF's debut, while BOMB IN A BIRDCAGE as a whole adds new colors and textures reflecting what Sudol describes as a previously-unnoticed "wild side…I'm a quiet person with a loud streak, and this record is a testament to that."

Seattle-born and Los Angeles-raised Sudol released the first A FINE FRENZY album, One Cell In the Sea, in 2007, reaching Number One on Billboard's "Heatseeker" charts. The band was chosen as a VH-1 "You Oughta Know" artist, and received rave notices in Entertainment Weekly, Paste and People, among others. Touring alongside the likes of Rufus Wainwright and Brandi Carlile, Sudol also appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The CBS Early Show and The Late Show with David Letterman. She made her acting debut on the crime drama series CSI: NY and has also shot fashion spreads.

www.afinefrenzy.com www.twitter.com/afinefrenzy www.myspace.com/afinefrenzy

PS Irony that I not only referenced this PR but quoted it verbatim = noted.

PPS "has also shot fashion spreads."

Lest Chris Cornell, who drifts further and further away from the non-ridiculous aspects of his legacy every time he opens his mouth to sing, be the lone voice holding forth in the wilderness, guitarist Kim Thayil, one of the undersung heroes of '90s heavy music, has broken his silence of about the state of affairs on the good ship Soundgarden. In this interview with Rolling Stone, Thayil discusses reunion rumors, the forthcoming box set full of unreleased goodies, the reason Soundgarden's presence in hesher America seems to have diminished so dramatically in the past 10 years, and generally what the hell he has been up to. Legitimate guitar heroes don't get much better spoken than Kim Thayil, so enjoy.

How did the recent "3/4 Soundgarden reunion" performance come together?

Tom Morello was coming through with the Justice Tour, and he had asked Susan Silver [Soundgarden's manager] — Tom wanted to get some notorious rock locals. Ben Shepherd and I were asked separately — we were going to be on the bill separately. As things worked out, it was getting close to the gig date, and Ben had not put together any project, and the guys that I was jamming with, our ideas were not gelling. We were going to do some old punk rock covers, and have [Mudhoney's] Mark Arm sing. That fell through. And Tom called, and said, "Would Ben and Kim like to join me on stage to do 'Spoonman'?" And we said, "Sure. But we heard Matt is coming down to the show, and I'm not going to play it in front of Matt — I would play it with Matt." So I called Matt, and he said sure. Ben said, "Let's do the first single, 'Hunted Down'/'Nothing to Say,' and then we'll do 'Spoonman.'"

And then this left a problem with who we would get to sing with us. A lot of people that I asked were real hesitant — they didn't want to replicate Chris' performance. So it had to be Tad [Doyle], right? It had to be the guy with God's Balls to say, "Fuck yeah, I'll do it!" We went down to the Pearl Jam rehearsal space and had one practice on a Monday and rehearsed for an hour and a half. The next day, we went over them at soundcheck, and then we busted out those three songs [at the Crocodile Cafe].

Looking back, what's your favorite Soundgarden album and why? I think I have three albums that stand out for different reasons. Screaming Life is distinctly different with Jack Endino's production and our original songs from that period that Hiro [Yamamoto, original bassist] played on. I just like those songs, and the sound of the production — the ambience and the feel. Just the way the room sounds. We recorded that at Reciprocal Studios, which a lot of early Sub Pop records were recorded at, including Nirvana, Mudhoney and Tad.

And Superunknown. Once again, it's the ambience — the implied and created room. And I like the material and the performances very much. There's a dark feel to it that is powerful, and is great with headphones on. Badmotorfinger I love because it sounds great in a car. It's got a lot of weird quirks in it — as is typical with Soundgarden. We always added that element of crazy and weird. We had an ability to not take ourselves too seriously, while committing to the heaviness. Sort of like laughing while kicking your ass.

What exactly is the status of the much talked about Soundgarden box set of B sides and unreleased material? It's a matter of just working with the record company. Y'know, a year or two after we disbanded, A&M Records disbanded — it got bought, and all of our friends there got fired. The record company dissolving and our management company dissolving put a big hit on Soundgarden's catalog and merchandise. I think our merchandising catalog suffered quite a bit due to neglect from the record company and management. Which wasn't intentional, it's just the record company was gone and the management company wound up being a P.O. Box and a voicemail.

Basically, a box set slowly and surely will happen. We need communication with the band, our record label and management. I really cannot emphasis my apologies to all our fans worldwide — it pisses me off to no end that you can't walk into a mall, go to the local head shop or record store, and find a Soundgarden T-shirt or poster. It bugs the hell out of me, and everyone in the band. Just be patient — nobody's more bugged about it than I am. It's all inertia, if it's a big giant stone wheel, it comes down a hill really fast. But it goes up a hill very slow. Right now, it's at the bottom of the hill, and we've got to push it back up.

And more...

Jackson Browne has managed to snatch victory from the jaws of John McCain's defeat. You may recall that the McCain campaign used a bit of Browne's masterpiece, "Running On Empty," in an anti-Obama web commercial without Browne's permission. The singer/songwriter, whose liberal leanings are well-documented, sued the local and national Republican parties for copyright infringement, and has come out with a financial settlement (undisclosed sum) and an apology, as well as a pledge that the Rs will never use music without permission again. You may also recall similar instances with the music of Foo Fighters, Heart, and John Cougar Mellencamp. You may also recall that McCain sold his entire soul in a vain attempt to become president, and that this is only the smallest sum he or his cronies will need to pay.

Read all about it at the HuffPo:

LOS ANGELES — Sen. John McCain and the Republican Party are apologizing to Jackson Browne for using one of his songs during last year's presidential campaign.

The GOP is also vowing to get artists' permission before using musicians' work in future political campaigns.

The apology and pledge were released Tuesday along with an announcement of a settlement with Browne over a federal copyright infringement lawsuit filed last year in Los Angeles. Browne sued McCain and the national and Ohio Republican parties for using part of his song "Running on Empty" to mock Democrat Barack Obama's proposed energy policies in a Web ad.

Financial details of the settlement weren't disclosed.

The statement said McCain didn't know about the ad, which was created by the Ohio Republican Party and removed after Browne complained.

"We apologize that a portion of the Jackson Browne song 'Running on Empty' was used without permission," said a statement attributed to McCain and the state and national parties.

("'09, I was 61 and sued Republicans..." Just thinking out loud, JB.)

Nothing funny about this: Adam Yauch, unquestionably the coolest member of the Beastie Boys (and the one who looks the best and most natural with white hair), has been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in his salivary gland, necessitating the cancellation of the Beasties upcoming tour, and the delay in the release of their new album.

The Beasties' statement:

Adam "MCA" Yauch of Beastie Boys was diagnosed last week as having a cancerous tumor in his left parotid (salivary) gland. Luckily it was caught early and is localized in one area, and as such is considered very treatable. It will however require surgery and several weeks of additional treatment. Fortunately the cancer is not in a location that will affect Yauch's vocal chords. Beastie Boys have canceled all upcoming concert appearances to allow time for Yauch's surgery and recovery. The release of the band's forthcoming album Hot Sauce Committee Part 1 will also be pushed back. Paraphrasing from a video statement on www.Beastieboys.com, Yauch said, "I just need to take a little time to get this in check, and then we'll release the record and play some shows. It's a pain in the neck (sorry had to say it) because I was really looking forward to playing these shows, but the doctors have made it clear that this is not the kind of thing that can be put aside to deal with later." A statement from EMI reads: ‘Our thoughts, love and prayers are with Adam Yauch, his family and the Beastie Boys. The most important thing is to allow Adam to focus on staying healthy. We wish him all the best and a speedy recovery.

Namaste, indeed.

 

I mean, obviously, judge for yourself, but given the way this video looks, and the way you already KNOW Madonna is, there is at least some chance that this "moment," in which the star of stars breaks into tears while interrupting her concert to pay tribute in prayer to the men who died while building the stage she's standing on (how would you like your metaphors, sir—slightly subtle or impossibly obvious?), might, just MIGHT not be 100% sincere. As for the guitar she's holding? Rumor has it she knows how to play. Honest.

More info is here.

Idolator, because they are that good, use the occasion of Tori Amos recently doing a (supposedly fairy-inspired) live cover of Britney Spears's best song (yes, still the best) to do a run-down of a bunch of other renditions of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time," mostly tongue-in-cheek ones (Veronicas, Dresden Dolls w/Panic! at the Disco dude, Travis) but occasionally, as with Fountains of Wayne, inspired nonetheless. It's hard to know what to say about Tori's version. To these ears it sounds like every Tori Amos song to date: long, overwrought, overenunciated, and not much fun. But if you include the constant barrage of "I LOVE YOU, TORI"s shouted by the crowd, it's kind of an interesting document. Kind of.

Here, hear for yourself:

 

In news that will surprise everyone who is capable of being moved to care even slightly, British tabloid sex star/comedian/actor/disgraced radio personality (R.I.P.) Russell Brand has been invited to host the MTV Video Music Awards for a second time. This is a stunning development, as, and I say this as a fairly devout fan of Brand, his performance last year was atrocious. But then, MTV and atrocity are familiar bedfellows, are they not. Brand will be joined by Taylor Swift (it is, after all, an awards show) and British Radiohead fakers Muse. It may or may not be a show worth watching for reasons that may or may not please the network.

From Rollingstone.com:

The VMAs will return to New York City’s Radio City Music Hall on September 13th for the first time since 2006, with last year’s controversial host Russell Brand once again serving as the Video Music Awards emcee. Making their MTV VMAs performance debuts are Taylor Swift — who last year served as a VMA red carpet interviewer — and U.K. rockers Muse, who will debut their new single “Uprising” during the show. This year’s VMAs marks the 14th time in the show’s history that the Big Apple has served as host for the ceremony.

While Swift is an award show force spanning all genres, Muse seem like an unlikely choice for MTV, given that the U.K. prog-rockers haven’t exactly been TRL staples in their decade-plus career. Still, frontman Matt Bellamy is excited about the prospect of playing in front of music’s biggest names, saying in a statement, “We are honored to be invited to play at the VMAs which will be our first ever U.S. TV performance, and the first ever U.S. performance of our debut single from our new album The Resistance coming out September 15th in the U.S., and of course another great excuse to hang out in New York City for a few days!” American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert has been talking up Muse a lot in interviews lately, and is performing one of their songs on the Idols live tour.

Even more shocking the addition of Muse, perhaps, is the return of Brand, who last year caused an uproar with controversial comments about everything from promise rings — which drew the ire of Jordin Sparks — to the Jonas Brothers’ genitals. As Rock Daily wrote in our VMA live blog last year, “Is flopping Russell Brand’s whole schtick? Because if it is, that makes him the British Norm Macdonald.” Still, Brand’s performance in Forgetting Sarah Marshall has only aged like fine wine in the past few years, so hopefully American audiences will have an easier time embracing the British comic.

After a 10-show tour, Trent Reznor is hanging up his Nine Inch Nails moniker for an "indefinite hiatus." His reasons are, of course, his own. And though I have never been a great fan of NIN, I am always impressed when a beloved entertainer has the nerve to stop doing what he does despite the pressures and temptations of fans, money, and glory. True to his form, however, Reznor is not going quietly. He is offering a heaping helping of astute advice and opinion about the life of the public musician to anyone who wants it (and, indeed, many who probably don't).

Via the mighty Stereogum:

If you are an unknown / lesser-known artist trying to get noticed / established: * Establish your goals. What are you trying to do / accomplish? If you are looking for mainstream super-success (think Lady GaGa, Coldplay, U2, Justin Timberlake) - your best bet in my opinion is to look at major labels and prepare to share all revenue streams / creative control / music ownership. To reach that kind of critical mass these days your need old-school marketing muscle and that only comes from major labels. Good luck with that one.

If you're forging your own path, read on.

* Forget thinking you are going to make any real money from record sales. Make your record cheaply (but great) and GIVE IT AWAY. As an artist you want as many people as possible to hear your work. Word of mouth is the only true marketing that matters.

To clarify:

Parter with a TopSpin or similar or build your own website, but what you NEED to do is this - give your music away as high-quality DRM-free MP3s. Collect people's email info in exchange (which means having the infrastructure to do so) and start building your database of potential customers. Then, offer a variety of premium packages for sale and make them limited editions / scarce goods. Base the price and amount available on what you think you can sell. Make the packages special - make them by hand, sign them, make them unique, make them something YOU would want to have as a fan. Make a premium download available that includes high-resolution versions (for sale at a reasonable price) and include the download as something immediately available with any physical purchase. Sell T-shirts. Sell buttons, posters... whatever.

Don't have a TopSpin as a partner? Use Amazon for your transactions and fulfillment. [www.amazon.com] Use TuneCore to get your music everywhere. [www.tunecore.com]

Have a realistic idea of what you can expect to make from these and budget your recording appropriately. The point is this: music IS free whether you want to believe that or not. Every piece of music you can think of is available free right now a click away. This is a fact - it sucks as the musician BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS (for now). So... have the public get what they want FROM YOU instead of a torrent site and garner good will in the process (plus build your database).

The Beastie Boys' site offers everything you could possibly want in the formats you would want it in - available right from them, right now. The prices they are charging are more than you should be charging - they are established and you are not. Think this through.

The database you are amassing should not be abused, but used to inform people that are interested in what you do when you have something going on - like a few shows, or a tour, or a new record, or a webcast, etc. Have your MySpace page, but get a site outside MySpace - it's dying and reads as cheap / generic. Remove all Flash from your website. Remove all stupid intros and load-times. MAKE IT SIMPLE TO NAVIGATE AND EASY TO FIND AND HEAR MUSIC (but don't autoplay). Constantly update your site with content - pictures, blogs, whatever. Give people a reason to return to your site all the time. Put up a bulletin board and start a community. Engage your fans (with caution!) Make cheap videos. Film yourself talking. Play shows. Make interesting things. Get a Twitter account. Be interesting. Be real. Submit your music to blogs that may be interested. NEVER CHASE TRENDS. Utilize the multitude of tools available to you for very little cost of any - Flickr / YouTube / Vimeo / SoundCloud / Twitter etc.

If you don't know anything about new media or how people communicate these days, none of this will work. The role of an independent musician these days requires a mastery of first hand use of these tools. If you don't get it - find someone who does to do this for you. If you are waiting around for the phone to ring or that A & R guy to show up at your gig - good luck, you're going to be waiting a while.

There is a LOT more.

NIN Wave Goodbye Tour dates:

On sale at nin.com:

8/22 - NY, NY @ Bowery Ballroom

8/23 - NY, NY @ Webster Hall

8/25 - NY, NY @ Terminal 5

8/26 - NY, NY @ Terminal 5

8/28 - Chicago, IL @ Aragon Ballroom

8/29 - Chicago, IL @ Aragon Ballroom

09/2 - Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Palladium

09/3 - Los Angeles, CA @ Henry Fonda Theatre

09/5 - Los Angeles, CA @ The Wiltern

09/6 - Los Angeles, CA @ Echoplex

Just when I was starting to wonder what was going on in Leonard Cohen's mind vis a vis the ubiquity of his song "Hallelujah," which is an ironic song that is never played or sung with less than 100% earnestness (except by him), he sends me hurtling into the weekend with a sweet reminder that he is, as ever, the world's greatest living human.

From Digital Spy:

Leonard Cohen has said that too many people choose to sing his 1984 song 'Hallelujah'.

The musician told CBC that he was pleased that the track was chosen as the winner's single on last year's X Factor, but thinks that fewer people should be taking it on.

Cohen said: "I was happy that the song was being used, of course. There were certain ironic and amusing sidebars, because the record that it came from, which was called Various Positions, [was a] record Sony wouldn't put out.

"They didn't think it was good enough. It had songs like 'Dance Me To The End of Love', 'Hallelujah', 'If It Be Your Will'. So there was a mild sense of revenge that arose in my heart."

He added: "But I was just reading a review of a movie called Watchmen that uses it, and the reviewer said 'Can we please have a moratorium on 'Hallelujah' in movies and television shows?'

"And I kind of feel the same way. I think it's a good song, but I think too many people sing it."

Yes, WAY too many. And according to the comments here, on the blog of CBC Radio, which hosted the original interview and will, one hopes, post it soon right HERE (not that I would ever read comments!) even Canada agrees.

Hallelujah, Field Commander Cohen.

 

Just a quick word about this documentary about how awesome Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White are at playing the electric guitar (and maybe at doing other things, too!), coming soon to a movie theater, or at least a video store, or let's be honest, a bittorrent download site, near you in the near future. I saw this trailer while out at the movies, seeing Moon, the extraordinary sci-fi psych-out movie directed by Duncan Jones, son of David Bowie. When the preview ended, the theater was silent, but for one lone voice in the front few rows, which said, in response to the guitar hero-worshipping tone of the film, and I quote, "boo." Not "BOO!" Just "boo." And everyone laughed and a few people applauded. Not that I'm suggesting this movie was hatched over lines of white powder and egomania. I'm just saying.

I can think of many things Rihanna fans—not me, you understand, but other really devout admirers of the singer—would like for her to do to them, some of them involving a sharp needle and even, ok, a jar of ink. Carving a tattoo into their flesh, where it will remain until, and even after they die, never seemed like it might have been one of them. Shows how much I know. According to the dazzling world of the internet, Rihanna (who has several tattoos, one might mention), and the tattoo shop that let her ink up three of its patrons, might be getting in trouble (though not serious trouble—hey, kind of like Chris Brown!) for her artistry.

Just ask singersroom.com:

Rihanna could be headed to a Manhattan courtroom over allegations that she tattooed three patrons without a license in New York.

The "Umbrella" singer, working on the follow up to 2007s "Good Girl Gone Bad," allegedly tattooed three willing fans with umbrellas and the letter R at East Side Ink in New York.

According to New York based authorities the action, while innocent to the fans who received the tattoos, is illegal.

"Only licensed tattoo artists can administer tattoos in the city according to the city's health code. We are sending someone down to follow up on this".

If convicted, Rihanna could be slapped with misdemeanor charges and up to $1,000 in penalty fees.

The tattoo shop, East Side Ink, could also face charges and considerable fines.

Another photo of of Rihanna's tattoos, if you like that sort of thing:

As you have no doubt discovered in between your heaping servings of hysterical Michael Jackson corpse-riding and Independence Day hangovers, Panic! at the Disco, the band your younger sister insists is awesome if you would only LISTEN (GOD!), has lost half its membership to the dread disease known as "creative differences."

As the statement on the band's website put it:

"Though the four of us have made music together in the past, we've creatively evolved in different directions, which has compromised what each of us want to personally achieve," the statement read in part. "Over the years, we have remained close and honest with each other, which helped us to realize that our goals were different and that parting ways is truly what is best for each of us. We are all excited for the future, you should be too."

"Creative evolution." Not to be confused with "intelligent design." But such statements inevitably raise more questions than they answer. Which is why THIS statement appeared on this same website this very morning:

We just wanted to let you know, that the news of Ryan and Jon leaving the band is unfortunately true. It’s been an amazing journey being in a band with them, but sometimes individual tastes take friends in different directions and you can’t ignore it. They are some of the most talented guys we know, and we’re sure that whatever they do next will be great. That said, Panic At The Disco is alive and very very well. We are working on new songs that we are excited for you to hear. Our dates with Blink and Fall Out Boy start in a little less than a month, and we wouldn’t miss those for the world. We know everybody has a lot of questions at this point with everything being so out of the blue, most of those should be answered in the coming weeks. We appreciate every one of you, and hope you continue with us on this incredible ride.

Pay attention we have a surprise in store for you.

-Brendon and Spencer

PS we were cleaning out the practice space and you’ll never guess what we found!

Anybody want to start a pool about what it was they found? Eyeliner? Jeans tightener? Stack of hundreds? More information, as always, at MTV.

 

In the only grunge reunion (of sorts) that can rival Nirvana for being called "unlikely," none other than harmonically gifted metal dudez Alice in Chains are back, with a new lead singer to replace the one who has been dead for a long time, Layne Stayley. New singer/guitarist William DuVall joins the original band members (including project mastermind/secret weapon Jerry Cantrell) for a comeback no one ever imagined would happen. No jokes to be made here; Alice in Chains was massive, and unlike many of the NW bands that got big in the early '90s, there's a case to be made for them actually being underrated. I guess we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, feel free to listen (above) to the new AiC's heavy and long debut single, "A Looking in View," from the LP Black Gives Way to Blue, due in September. Because anything can happen in America. Happy Independence Day Weekend.

And if you like press releases, well, you're in luck:

Los Angeles, CA (June 30, 2009) – ALICE IN CHAINS are giving fans a sneak preview of their highly anticipated upcoming album BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLUE (Virgin/EMI) by posting a brand-new song online. The seven-minute-long track, titled “A Looking In View,” can be heard on www.aliceinchains.com. A companion video for the song is forthcoming and its trailer is available on the band’s site. “A Looking In View” will appear on BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLUE, in stores September 29th.

About “A Looking In View,” Alice In Chains vocalist/guitarist Jerry Cantrell says, “The song basically speaks to any number of things that keep you balled up inside. A cell of our own making with an unlocked door that we choose to remain in. Focusing our attention inward instead of reaching out to a much larger world. I think this is common to us all. It’s funny how hard we fight to hang on to a bone we can’t pull through a hole in the fence, or how difficult it is to put down the bag of bricks and move on.”

On July 18th, Alice In Chains will be sharing the stage with Kid Rock at Comerica Park in Detroit, to be followed by festival shows with Metallica overseas, including an August 1 date at Marlay Park in Dublin and an August 2 show at the Sonisphere Festival at Knebworth. They’ll wrap up the international trip with a string of headlining dates, set to kick off August 4th with a sold-out performance at London’s Scala. On August 22, they’ll join Tool and Linkin Park for the first-ever Epicenter show at the Fairplex in Pomona, CA, to be followed by a headlining tour set to kick off September 4th at the 9:30 Club in Washington, DC. Tickets for the U.S. shows will be available Friday, July 10th. For information, please visit www.aliceinchains.com.

BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLUE is the band’s first new studio release in more than 10 years. The quartet (guitarist/vocalist Jerry Cantrell, drummer Sean Kinney, bassist Mike Inez and vocalist/guitarist William DuVall) recorded the album with producer Nick Raskulinecz (Rush, Foo Fighters) at Studio 606 in Northridge, CA and Henson Studios in Hollywood.

Over the course of their remarkable career, Alice In Chains has garnered multiple Grammy nominations, sold more than 17 million albums worldwide, wrote and recorded 11 top 10 hit singles and stood atop Billboard’s Top 200 Album Chart with two No. 1 records.

Tour dates are as follows (additional shows to be confirmed):

Date City Venue July 18 Detroit, MI Comerica Park (with Kid Rock)

Aug 1 Dublin, IE Marlay Park

Aug 2 Stevenage, GB Knebworth House - Sonisphere

Aug 4 London, GB Scala

August 6 Cologne, DE Essigfabrik

August 8 Berlin, DE Columbia Club

August 10 Hamburg, DE Grunspan

August 12 Amsterdam, NL Melkweg

August 22 Pomona, CA Epicenter

Sept. 4 Washington, DC 9:30 Club

Sept. 5 Philadelphia, PA Theatre of Living Arts

Sept. 7 Boston, MA Paradise Rock Club

Sept. 8 New York, NY The Fillmore

Sept. 15 Toronto, ON The Opera House

Sept. 16 Cleveland, OH House of Blues

Sept. 19 Chicago, IL House of Blues

Sept. 20 Milwaukee, WI The Rave

Sept. 21 Minneapolis, MN First Ave

Sept. 26 Portland, OR Roseland Grill

Sept. 28 San Francisco, CA The Fillmore

This comes directly from Sony:

HUFFINGTON POST: REPORT OF R. KELLY STATUTORY RAPE INVESTIGATION FALSE: POLICE

R. KELLY RESPONDS TO INACCURATE INTERNET REPORT

CHICAGO – July 1, 2009 – A representative of recording artist R. Kelly released the following statement in response to an inaccurate Internet report about a supposed police search of his house in the Chicago suburb of Olympia Fields.

“A wildly exaggerated and inaccurate report has been circulating on the Internet that Olympia Fields police showed up at R. Kelly’s house with a search warrant just before the singer left for his three-week concert tour in Africa last month and then searched the place looking for a missing 17-year-old girl.

“This is completely false. No police ever showed up at Kelly’s house with a search warrant nor was his house ever searched. It is also not true, as the unsubstantiated report claimed, that any such girl ever stayed overnight in Kelly’s house or that she had been there but left shortly before some mythical police search.

“Kelly’s attorneys will cooperate fully with any investigation.”

(Source: R. Kelly)

Let's hope they didn't smear the name of an innocent man!

No? Well, what if I throw in some nice video interview footage of Moby himself talking about his music, his vegetarianism, and, of course, his religion? Getting intrigued? Did I mention free? The album is called Wait For Me, and it probably won't be here, at the London Times online music page (which is always good eatin') forever.